I'm physically ready for Saturday, but psychologically I am like a scared little child. I've spent weeks on the physical. Hours and hours and hours running. But I've spent more hours worrying about every little thing that could go wrong. And despite the hours of training, the psychological has me doubting just how physically ready I am for this race. Did I get enough long runs in? I only ran 16 miles this go around, what if I can't run more than 20? What if I'm slower than I was in June? What if I can't finish? How much of a failure will I feel if I'm slower, have to walk, am dead last, or hurt myself running? How much will that feeling of failure permeate into my every day life and how long will it linger?
This isn't the first endurance event I've done. This isn't the first time I've tackled these feelings and ended up victorious on the other side. I don't think it matters how many times I've been successful in the past, each new event presents it all in my head as something completely new. There's always a reason why this time it's going to be different.
This isn't a call for encouragement or sympathy. Just a window into what I'm thinking the week before the big day.
My ankle is feeling good. My throat has been sore for a few days though. I've got a few days for it to heal up though.
Tuesday Night Race tonight. Gonna take it super easy. It's at Bartlett which means crazy hills.
Tomorrow I'm going to take an easy swim. Thursday is an easy 3 miler. Friday is rest rest rest. Saturday is race day at 8am starting from Kincaid Park. If I make goal pace I will be at Goose Lake at 10:10am (10 minutes after the half marathoners start from Goose Lake. I'm hoping to be able to cheer on Kate, Jeri and Janelle as we cross paths right there at Goose Lake. For those of you out there...please please please! feel free to make it out anywhere along the trail to cheer me on. There is nothing quite like seeing a friendly face at mile 15, mile 20, etc. to distract from the monotony. Lots and lots of viewing points...Goose Lake, Valley of the Moon, Westchester Lagoon, Lynary Park, Earthquake Park, Point Woronzof. If you want an estimate of where I might be at any of those points just let me know.
12:10 at Kincaid. It's going to happen.
What if a Moose attacks? What if a bear attacks? What if I step on a porcupine? What if it snows? What if there's ice on the trail and I slip and fall? What if I run out of water? What if I get hit by a bicyclist? What if no one comes out to cheer? What if my ankle isn't really up to it? What if my ipod malfunctions? What if I'm not dressed warm enough? Dressed too warm? What if my car breaks down trying to get to the race start? What if...What if...What if...?
Post publishing edit: Can't believe I forgot to put Kate in there for doing the half! I'm so proud of you Kate for making this your 3rd half this year! Can't wait to help you train for a full for 2012. You have always been such an inspiration to me as well as a dedicated friend. You better make it hard for me to catch up to you!
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